What to do when your mental strength needs winding up.
If you've ever tried to quit something that you know is bad for you (ciggies, sugar, a good-for-nothing ex) or stick to something you know is beneficial but a bit boring (we're looking at you exercise) chances are you've had to employ will power.
And if you're anything like us — intelligent, witty, fabulous and, um, easily distracted — it's likely your willpower fought a losing battle. Ugh. We know. So let's break it down and get willpower working for us, shall we?
Quit that!
If you want to stop a certain behaviour — be it biting your nails or buying 10,000 striped T-shirts — psychologist Suzie Plush (suzieplush.com.au) recommends first highlighting the reason you want to quit.
"Look at the big picture and ask yourself how you would benefit by giving up that particular thing. If you're thinking about quitting smoking you might say, 'I don't want to get cancer' or 'I'm sick of feeling like death after a big night'".
Then outline the benefits of quitting — 'I'm going to feel better', 'I'll save more money' — and plan a specific strategy for quitting. Some people may go cold turkey and others may recognise it will be more realistic for them to cut down gradually.
Whatever you choose, have a specific goal to work towards. When you feel like giving up, come back to these reasons, benefits and goals. They will help you engage your willpower and keep you motivated."
Twenty-six-year-old Rosie used this technique when she decided to quit sugar at the start of the year. "I'd been feeling bloated and lethargic for some time and was finding it hard to wake up in the mornings. I'd read this was linked to too much sugar, so I decided to go cold turkey in the hope that I'd feel more energised.
"It was hard in the first few weeks but I kept thinking how good I'd feel after the initial withdrawal. My newfound ability to see cake and not eat it didn't happen overnight, but it's been three months now and the changes in my body, mind and skin have all been good."
Quit that! Or else...
If the inspirational stuff doesn't give you a kick-start, concentrating on the negative side of what you want to quit might. "Some people become better engaged and committed to their goal when, instead of focusing on what they'll get, they focus on how bad things will be if they don't engage in certain activities," says business and life coach, Michelle Landy. "They'll think, 'If I don't start eating healthily, I'll get sick'".
This worked for Olivia, 23, when six months after splitting from her long-term boyfriend, she was still calling him a couple of times a week. "To quit calling him, I had to focus on how bad I felt after we spoke. I would always feel so emotionally drained and awful, so I held on to that feeling and focused on it every time I went to pick up the phone.
"I also set myself a goal of not speaking to him for three months. It was long enough to break the habit but short enough to not freak me out too much. I told myself if I made three months I could call him. That was two years ago now and I doubt I'll ever speak to him again."
Do that!
So now you've shown your vices the door, how about adding something beneficial to your life? The big one here is obviously regular exercise — why is it so hard to stick to something we know is so good for us? "A lot of people will wait to feel motivated to exercise, but the reality is you're probably never going to want to do it because we're biologically wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain," says Plush.
"So don't wait — take action despite how you feel, that's in line with who you want to be and what goal you want to achieve." This means putting on your trainers even when you'd rather stab yourself in the eye with a fork.
"The feeling of motivation will catch up with you once you've acted in accordance with your goal. So set yourself a tiny goal; say you'll walk to the end of the street and then if you want to go home you can. Chances are you'll keep walking."
Willpower wonders:
• Ensure you're getting enough sleep, eating well and exercising. All of these elements help you cope with stress and can help strengthen your willpower.
• Remove yourself from any situations that will promote old behaviours.
• Get organised. Have your exercise gear packed and ready to go the night before, so there are no excuses.
• Achieved one of your short term goals? Yay! Reward yourself with something small, like a manicure or new earrings.
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