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How guys handle a break-up

Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Kym Jackson
How guys handle a break-up

When it comes to break-ups, girls know that only talking incessantly with our girlfriends, eating copious amounts of chocolate and getting drunk while bawling to the most depressing playlist on earth will make us feel better. But what do guys do?

Do they sit around in their pyjamas all day crying over a lost love, or do they brush it off and hit the clubs looking for the next girl? Maybe they too seek solace in eating chocolate, drinking too much and listening to bad '80s love songs?

According to counsellor John Soulsby, guys aren't all that different to us when it comes to dealing with break-ups – they talk to their friends too.

"Guys have always talked; it's just that they do it in a different way to girls. Girls will talk about feelings, whereas guys talk about actions. Girls say how they feel. They're hurt, upset or angry; they can't believe it happened. Girls also don't mind crying in front of their friends. Guys, on other hand, will state the facts, and that's about it.

"It's more about what happened, not how they feel about it. And often their mates will commiserate and say, 'That sucks, have a beer, you'll be right', and that's pretty much the end of it."

Commiserating over a beer is something Luke, 23, is familiar with. He turned to his mates for support when he ended an 18-month relationship after his girlfriend cheated on him. "Drinking with friends and having a few beers was the best therapy. Your mates are the ones who are there for you no matter what and having that support network helps you when you're grieving.

"I like talking to girls too because you get insight into how females think and an understanding of why things fell apart."

For Mick, 26, the end of his three-year relationship hit hard, as they had lived together. "It makes the break-up process a lot harder. You get used to having her around all the time, and all of a sudden she's not there anymore." Mick coped by making some positive changes to his life and keeping busy.

"Spending time with mates is important and I'm lucky I have close friends I can talk to," he says. "I try to do positive things with my life like get fit, work on my music, stuff like that. You need to try and fill the gaps in your week that you'd have spent with your partner."

Emotional baggage is an all too familiar by-product of a break-up, and guys aren't immune to lugging a few kilos of it around. Troy, 29, was in a relationship with his partner for eight years before they married. Two months later, he learnt his wife had been sleeping with her boss.

"I walked away," he recalls. "I did just about everything to try and get over it, from going out and picking up random girls to using drugs and alcohol. I thought about taking her back but knew I'd never trust her. I don't think I'll ever be totally over it. I'm remarried now, but in the back of my mind I'll always have trust issues."

When it comes to broken hearts, it seems that guys are like us – they hurt, they cry, they feel pain, and then they have to pick up the pieces and move on. It doesn't matter at all who is suffering; the advice remains the same for both guys and girls.

"The best thing to do after a break-up is access support, whether it comes from someone you know or a professional," advises Soulsby. "It really is as simple as that. It may seem difficult, especially for guys as they aren't always that willing to seriously talk about things, but it really is the best thing anyone can do."

Have your say: How have you coped after a break-up?

User comments
i was in a relatinship with a guy for about 7 years .he cheated on me the whole time we were together.at first i was terribly shocked and deeply heartbroken. i cried and kept really busy with work .im now slowly healing ,i have met some nice friends, but im now taking my time before i fall in love again.im doing things for me and that feels good.
I still feel hurt what he said to me But i am trying to move on now and do the best for me
Three of my sister's had partners that left a spouse...two of the men had children to their wives...and one's partner was just a dirty freak who was chucked out by his first partner... and with them all of them it was a trust issue....One of my brother's left his wife and four children for another women and they had two children ....but it is a trust issue with her too..where he is concerned...He and his wife get on well...
Has anyone provided a survey on how the person who left the relationship gets on...You read about bust up's but not about those who leave it...My thought is they leave and head straight into another relationship....Does the leaver have certain conditions that the new partner has to live by...does the new partner trust them....
at first i got horribly drunk with friends. i immersed myself self at work. handed my notice in as well, as i felt the job was contributing to my break up. i then started looking at the reasons why, we broke up. she had kids , it was complicated. and she felt i drunk to much when i went out, which she is right about. i was trying to hard , and it was sad because i really like her, she has a really great nature. it was over suddenly, i couldn't believe it, it had been great, i thought i was generous, in fact too generous,. that still hurts me. i talked to friends and family , and have been trying to live a more balanced life. she was right in so many ways, a learning curve. but in this day in age it seems women don't need a man, as much as they used to. i have to be carefull i am not being used. i will be hard to trust again, to selfless in a relationship again. i had alot of growing up to do. simon

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